The top seven “that guys” at the gym

Views of the Student Recreation Centers main weight room. Thomas Doherty/Western Herald

Inside WMU’s Student Recreation Center. Thomas Doherty/Western Herald

By Scott Sierzenga
Western Herald

Every time someone steps into a gym they can expect to see the same kind of people.

There are those that enjoy a good lift, follow the simple norms of the gym society and then there are those people are can drive any fitness regular crazy.

These people of whom I refer to as the “that guys” of the gym completely flood any local gym and fitness center.

One would be hard‑pressed to walk into a workout facility and not see at least some of the “that guys” of the gym bringing down the sanctity of the gym one annoying habit after another.

Without further ado here is the list of people to watch out for at Western Michigan University’s Student Recreation Center and gyms across the nation far and few between:

That guy who smells:

Apparently some people believe that just because the gym is a place where one goes to work up a sweat and burn some calories that it is completely legit to go there smelling like your body is allergic to showers.

There are people in the weight room who clearly haven’t showered since Thanksgiving and it takes its toll on the rest of the weight room.

Some people can literally take out one fourth of the weight room with one shoulder press exercise.

Most notably, our beloved Recreation Center has these huge yellow power fans that provide for great air circulation.

It just seems that these people that smell are always either using the machine before me or are following my same workout regimen, making it impossible to kick the stench.

These smelly people always end up sitting in front of you, with the yellow fan blowing their stench 40 mph straight onto you.

That guy on the cell phone:

There is no reason to carry around a cell phone from machine to machine making useless calls to chat about things that are completely unimportant while you are only at the gym for 50 minutes out of your day.

There are these people who will literally call or take phone calls while sitting at a machine and just relax like it’s an arm chair back at home and chat the day away.

This gets especially annoying when people are trying to get on that machine and their conversation about last week’s Jersey Shore episode is passing the 10-minute mark.

I understand people who bring cell phones around to prevent them from being stolen, but couldn’t they be left in the car?

I’m sure people will survive an hour without hearing from you.

That guy who just sits on machines for extended periods of time:

This person can be related to the cell phone culprit but also can feature a wider variety of “that guys.”

Many times people will just sit on the same bench or machine for no purpose but to gather thoughts, talk on the cell phone, or whatever in the world could be going through their mind, who knows.

Every time I need to use a machine or bench it just so happens that one of these guys are just, for lack of a better word, chilling. Yeah, a real cool place to chill, some seat where people sweat in all day everyday, but no I’m glad you’ve decided to make this seat your spot for rest and tranquility.

That guy whose always lurking:

When I’m doing a certain exercise, a machine or bench it doesn’t matter, there are always these people who do the walk back and forth giving quick hasty glances at you like they want to use that machine.

Sometimes these guys will walk around you three or four times just staring at you as though in the 30 seconds they are encircling you, you have for some reason decided to abandon this particular workout and move on, there in allowing them to take your spot.

Whenever this happens to me I can almost hear the Jaws theme playing in my head because that’s what its like.

They just stare at you from a far or even worse, they hover right around your machine doing absolutely nothing just to send a message. Well message received.

That guy who strikes up random conversation:

Imagine being in the zone, having a solid lift by yourself not talking or bothering anyone yet some random person just plops right next to you or gives you the shoulder tap and starts talking to you.
It must have happened to every gym-rat at least once in their gym career.

One time this kid that I have never seen in my life came up to me and started talking to me about the stock market, mid‑set. Seriously?

These people don’t mean harm by it, maybe they are looking for someone to talk to and that’s fine, but mid‑set or not, it’s annoying.

Some people use working out as an alone time oasis, not a social gathering.

That guy who steals your machine:

Empty water bottles and thirst can cause the highest stress levels when working out because there are always those sneaks who come up and take your machine that you’re using if you get up and leave for 15 seconds.

These people act genuinely surprised when you come back and you tell them that you were using that machine, like they didn’t see you take the last sip of your water, walk 20 feet to the fountain and return to that same spot.

These people know very well what they are doing when they snatch the machine.

They pretend to be completely oblivious to your iPod, gym bag, dumbbells, that you left at the machine to notify others that the machine is still in use.

These guys could be the most frustrating of all the people because they act so naive about it.

That guy who brings his friends to workout but doesn’t workout, only talks:

These guys and girls travel in packs of generally three or more and just wander the weight room.

They never settle on one machine or space, but when they do it’s always the area where you are headed to next to complete your lift, always.

They just prance around the weight room ignoring the fact that it is 95 degrees in the room and that people are trying to be constructive, but have otherwise decided this would be a good spot to gossip or hang out.

Just a note to these people: just because you are in the weight room doesn’t mean you actually did anything.

Don’t feel more satisfied with your self because you were in the weight room chatting with your friends for 30 minutes and did one bicep curl, that’s not a workout, it’s a waste of time.

Dishonorable mention:

“That guy” who shouts random things because he does more weight than he can handle and makes a scene every time he lifts and “That guy” who moves on from machine to machine doing almost no weight and thinks he is working out.

You have now been equipped with the most annoying people who enter a weight room.

I could have rehearsed dozens of more of my personal experiences but I don’t want to deter people from working out, just maybe choose a time where there are not as many people at the gym and decrease your chance of finding these workout villains.

Either way, the next time you go into a gym you wont have to look for these people, trust me, they will find you.

Short URL: http://www.westernherald.com/?p=13601

Posted by HeraldAdmin on Jan 13 2010. Filed under Opinion, Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

Cody Kimball
Web Manager: I'm a Communication Student at WMU, a SCUBA Diver, Boater, Ordained Minister, Notary Public, Web Designer, Film Maker, DJ, and of course a Journalist. Born and raised in Port Huron, MI and a graduate of SC4. http://www.codykimball.com